Over half of all marriages today end in divorce. Years ago the mother automatically retained custody of the child and the father got visitation. The laws were changed to make it easier for the father to obtain custody as it is for the mother. Although at first blush this looked like a progressive change in the law, it has caused enumerable problems. What has occurred is an increased competition between the parents to gain custody because now either parent has a chance for custody. This competition becomes extremely bitter and often results in creating false accusations of physical or sexual abuse. This phenomena has been examined and researched and has now been given the name Parental Alienation Syndrome. The manifestations where signs of parental alienation exist when a child has a preoccupation with denigration and criticism of one parent that is unjustified or exaggerated. It appears that the child has one loved parent and one hated parent. Laymen can very easily see the manifestations of parental alienation, the child always sides with one parent against the other. What is not so easy to see is the mechanism by which one parent, the loved parent, can alienate or turn the child against the other parent, or the hated parent. There are four causes of parental alienation. Brainwashing by the loved parent, subconscious and unconscious programming by the loved parent, contributions which come wholly from within the child and situational factors. It would take an hour to describe in detail what is involved in these four areas. However, here is a thumbnail description.
Brainwashing is the mechanism known by most laymen. Brainwashing is the conscious programming of the child by the loved parent against the hated parent. This is done by a campaign of denigration against the hated parent by calling him an abandoner, an adulterer or irresponsible home breaker. The actual underlying reasons for the divorce are never talked about with the child. The child is informed that the father does not love the child, never spends money on the child, is an alcoholic, is violent or uses drugs. In brainwashing the loved parent is fully aware that they are attempting to turn the child against the hated parent. Another mechanism is termed the unconscious factors. In fact, unconscious factors are far more effective than brainwashing. The loved parent or the person who is causing the alienation can profess a total innocence about what they are doing because they in fact do not realize the damage that they are causing. There are thousands of unconscious factors that can turn a child against one of its parents. These would include such things as a frightened voice when speaking with the ex-spouse, frivolous reasons for missing visitation, such as a headache or purposefully scheduling events during ex-spouses visitation time, adultifying children by giving them the decision on whether or not to have visits and then supporting them when they do not want to visit, making children feel guilty about time spent with the ex-spouse by telling them how much you will miss them if they go, having continuous arguments with the ex-spouse in front of the child concerning visitation or money. A major alienating factor is moving away from the hated parent to find better employment when the true underlying reason for the move is to destroy the amount of time that the ex-spouse can spend with the child. A long campaign of subconscious programming is more effective than overt brainwashing, it destroys the bond between the ex-spouse and the child.
The third factor that influences a child to make false accusations is one that is not normally recognized. This involves factors within the child that are independent of the parents. The child who has a basic psychological bond with one parent that is stronger than that with the hated parent will do anything to maintain that bond between the loved parent and the child. Remember, the child feels that they were once abandoned by the hated parent when the divorce occurred. The child does not want to be abandoned a second time by taking sides against the loved parent and will do anything to maintain that bond with the loved parent. One of the ways that this is done is by making complaints against the hated parent. The child then gathers support from the loved parent. The child is fearful of expressing love for the hated parent for fear that it will displease the loved parent. The complaints can start out as minor complaints, but then the child custody battle becomes ferocious and the small complaints escalate into accusations of child abuse. Situational factors are the fourth mechanism for parental alienation. The false accusation is often made at one of two moments.